True tale: Once, I was sipping green tea at Starbucks, doing my own thing, when a lady I didn’t know came up and asked, “Are you a Scorpio? You guys are not great people.”
She was kind of right; I am a Scorpio, and I can be not-so-great. But being not-so-great has little to do with my star sign. If anything, my astrological sign should be one of the few good things about me.
Here’s the scoop: Scorpios are seen as the sexiest in the zodiac, and we’re not shy about bragging. (It’s true, by the way.)
We’re a fixed sign ruled by both Mars and Pluto because why settle for just one planet when you’re this cool? (And yes, Pluto got its planet status back, even if it’s a dwarf planet. We all saw that coming, but I’ll explain in a bit.)
As awesome as we think we are, dating a Scorpio isn’t always a walk in the park. If you’re in love with a Scorpio, these things are probably true.
(P.S. If you’re thinking of dating a Scorpio, consider yourself warned.)
1. Scorpios can be more alluring than anyone you’ve ever met.
Don’t bother trying to resist; it’s futile. If you’re finding yourself strangely drawn to that quirky guy with a beard, sleeping on newspapers in the subway, and predicting the apocalypse, chances are he was born in November and is exceptional in bed.
2. We always take the lead and stay in charge.
Even when it seems like your Scorpio partner isn’t calling the shots, she is. She might be playing along until the right moment to assert control again. Don’t get too relaxed.
3. Scorpios consistently come out on top.
We’re determined to the point of being unwavering, sometimes a bit crafty, and stronger than most people you know. You’ll want us on your team because that guarantees victory, unless your team is the New York Jets – in that case, I can’t offer much assistance.
4. We value our privacy intensely.
If your dating partner hesitates to go Facebook official, it’s not necessarily because of infidelity; they might just want to keep their personal life private. This holds especially true if you’re with a Scorpio. If your significant other avoids social media, keeps a diary in a secure lockbox within a hidden safe in her apartment’s secret crawl space, it’s a good bet she’s a Scorpio. Don’t pry.
5. Despite our guarded nature, we’re curious and want to know about you.
We’re born investigators. Allow us into your world, or we’ll be skeptical forever, wondering what secrets you might be concealing.
6. We find darkness interesting.
When my boyfriend walks in, he often catches me watching Forensic Files with a grin like Norman Bates. It doesn’t mean I’m a serial killer (you can’t prove it, and no jury will convict me); it just means I’m intrigued by darker things.
Scorpios are known for their interest in death, horror, noir, the supernatural, and sometimes even the occult. As long as she’s not summoning Captain Howdy with a Ouija board, just let her be.
7. Scorpios’ love for darkness extends to our sarcastic sense of humor.
The things we find funny might make us seem a bit off. Don’t judge us for it. Instead, appreciate that we can find humor in grim situations because it makes life a lot easier.
8. We’re brutally honest.
You know how everyone says they don’t care what others think? Scorpios mean it. Don’t ask us if that dress makes you look fat unless you want the truth.
9. We can be a bit intuitive. Or a bit crazy, depending on your perspective.
Scorpios have a talent for predicting the future and knowing your thoughts before you speak. It’s due to their keen observation and memory skills, along with a touch of “the shining.” Just go with it, but don’t expect them to perform magic tricks with that ability.
10. We’re fiercely loyal and protective.
If you share a story about someone mistreating you on the subway, betraying you at work, or bullying you in third grade, we’ll want to comfort you and then deal with the person who hurt you.
11. We’re resourceful and can keep a secret.
If you ever need to make a single phone call from jail, especially for help burying a body or planning a surprise party, call someone born between late October and the third week of November.
Not only will they assist you, but they’ll also keep quiet about it. Jodi Arias could have used a Scorpio friend.
12. Scorpios have built-in lie detectors.
With an exceptional memory and a natural ability to discern the truth, don’t bother trying to sugarcoat or lie to Scorpios.
All you’ll achieve is making them angry, and you wouldn’t want that. This brings me to…
13. We treat people as they deserve to be treated.
Don’t expect a Scorpio to be kind to you after you’ve been rude. Don’t count on them letting you off easy if you cheat, lie, conceal something important, or misjudge them. With their deep thinking and keen observations, Scorpios have a clear view of what treatment you deserve, no matter your protests.
14. We are clever, can be vengeful, and have few reservations about confronting you.
Ever heard of Gone Girl? That’s child’s play. So, be cautious if you upset us. Period.